Expert Experts Experts

6 minute read

As I wandered around this great country on my Christmas break, I had the welcome opportunity to relax and catch up on some reading. So you might ask what did I read about after one of the most exhausting years since I began in the industry? Well I mixed my reading with some magazines and a few books of experts telling me what to do with my money and life, where to invest that money and what to steer clear of in 2009! I assume these are the same experts who had no idea of the pending financial crisis and the loss of 10’s of millions of jobs across the developed world!

So it got me thinking, what is an expert? Well to me, an expert is someone who tells you something you should already know. There are no experts that can actually predict the future accurately.

After spending a few weeks in my Hawaiian shirt and cabana shorts I decided to put some pen to paper and fax this off to Peter to type out, with some instructions on how to actually copy word for word what I write – alongside some hints from Julie Bishop on how to do this.

Here is some advice from the old man for 2009

Sportspeople flogging property developments:

You can always tell when a person who has recently retired will do almost anything for money, especially when it is flogging off ‘amazing’ investment opportunities. Glenn McGrath – the best way to muddy your name after decades building it up is to get on board for some quick cash and flog real estate, yes, this maybe a great investment, but history has shown us that these developments can be dubious at best – after all just ask Craig McDermott how well this works out in the long term Glenn and stick to the charities and flogging caravans. 

Executive Salaries:

Well we thought these guys were gurus, turns out they just heard someone else made a killing on something so they just all followed the pied piper until it all came tumbling down. At least we no longer have to listen that old chestnut – that you need to spend money to get the ‘best talent’! So my hats off to the best of the best around the globe who have made middle income earners across the worlds bail out about 10 trillion of their debt. 

Everything I have: 

Every time I hear the heart wrenching story of a person or family sinking their last dollar into a financial services company or property development my heart bleeds – for about 5 seconds –  then I think, hang on why did you put EVERYTHING you had into it? You deserve to be burnt. The only things anyone should ever put all their money into is their principal place of residence and/or your business.

George Bush:

Most of you might be happy to see George Bush go – unless you are in the richest 1% of Americans, who will miss him dearly. NY Times reports that when Georgie Boy took over from ‘The Cuban’ Clinton – the richest 1% of America only took home 9% of the weekly American income and when Gorgeous George left office it was up to 23%!. Not only that, average US wages dropped by $2000USD per annum over the 8 years George was at the helm. Ouch! History does not look too kindly on those figures George, no matter how many memos you send to the press corps 🙂

Savings?

The recent Foxtel campaign is amusing! I am at a loss to understand how joining Foxtel saves me money? If they take $30 per month out of my already dwindling account, how does that save me money? That’s $30 less than what I would have if I didn’t join Foxtel. 

Insurance:

As bushfires raged across Australia, we now get set for some technicalities that allow insurance companies to deny payouts. I always wonder why insurance companies can worm their way out of payouts.

I have an idea, it is quite a simple one. I think insurance companies should have to list what you are not covered for, in relation to the type of insurance you have taken out. I bet you a monthly terrorism surcharge that would be a long list!

Mortgage Stress?

When I purchased my first home in the 60’s, I owned my television (His Masters Voice) and my radio, I only called family and friends when I needed something/to go somewhere and I paid cash for my car! In fact my only monthly debts were for my house, phone, wife and electricity bills. Today the majority of Australians make payments monthly on the house, car, televisions, stereos, mobile phones, phones, Internet, cosmetic surgery and of course Foxtel. See where I am heading with this?

My Pet Hate:

About the only time I ever curse is when a politician speaks these words “Australians are smart enough” followed by their opinion on some subject. I think we should have a big wet fish come across the screen and slap any politician who utters those words. 

President Obama

: Yes, I must admit, I kinda like the guy who speaks a little funny. One thing about him though, he is probably the best speaker I have ever come across. I remember the night he won the election and he gave one of the greatest speeches I have ever heard. Now, cast your mind back to Kevin Rudd on election night, I am a swinging voter and went to a little gathering at a local farm, most of the people there were supporters of Kevin Rudd, by the end of the speech they were booing and hissing, it was just so darn boring. I hope he reealises it is not only his words but his delivery. From now on Kevin, just give us the facts as you see them and shut up. Also Kevin, don’t get your speechwriters to use swear words as we know it is just not you and you end up spending all night saying rosaries instead of fixing the economy.

Finally…..

We have the worst wage to mortgage ratio in the western world, but we have bigger problems, it is just too easy to get credit. This is the root of all of our problems. Hopefully no more!

So I am now sitting here eating breakfast and spitting my muesli all over the television as I hear our Prime Minister speak. That Barack fella spoke and had the cats ears perking, the finches shrieking and my wife going all gaga, then Kevin comes speaks and everyone has lost the will to live.

Over and out!